I don't know any other way to say this, so I'll just say it. We did our first transfer on September 22. We transfered two of our embryo babies. (Yes, I did previously say we were only going to transfer one, but that is a story for another post.) Ten days later I had a blood test done to test for HCG (pregnancy hormone). It was positive, but very low at 24. We knew then it was possible our pregnancy would last, but that it was unlikely to.
Three days later I was tested again and that test showed my HCG level was down to 2 (anything below 5 is considered a negative pregnancy test).
So, I'm no longer pregnant. I'm heartbroken. I don't understand and I never will.
I do know that God is faithful. Even in this. It's hard to see how at this point, but I know it's true.
The song "Blessed Be Your Name" resonated with me in the miscarriage we experienced in early 2011 and it does again with me now. It's an excellent reminder that we praise and glorify our Lord in all things. We can't only love and worship Him when he gives us what we ask for. When things are difficult, He's still there and He still deserves our love. It can be hard for me to remember that in times like this and so I'm thankful for songs like this to help me when I want to forget that.
Please pray for us as we wait for the opportunity to move forward with another transfer and for our broken hearts too.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Embryo Adoption Moving Forward
Well, it's been awhile since we've been able to say this, but we are finally moving forward with our embryo adoption! No more waiting!
My last thyroid function tests showed that my thyroid hormone levels are back within the normal range thanks to the medication I've been taking. Praise God for that. Unfortunately, my TPO antibodies (for those who don't know, these are a part of Hashimoto's and are a part of what has been hurting my thyroid) are still in the abnormal range. The antibodies are lower than ever before (down to a 168 for those who want to know) which is good, but a normal level is below 38.
After talking with my doctor she said I am medically ready to move forward with our first cycle. However, I was also informed that because of my diagnosis, I will always have elevated TPO antibody levels for the rest of my life (this was not something we understood before). She said I would not ever get below 38. This means that I will always have an increased risk of miscarriage, but she also said if it was her, she would go forward with the cycle.
The increased risk of miscarriage is a very scary truth for me. Some of you know, but many don't, that I experienced a miscarriage before we had Kinsley. It was the hardest experience I'd been through up to that point in my life and (of course) not something I ever want to experience again. That being said, we've always known of the risk of miscarriage in expanding our family through embryo adoption. Statistics say that half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (many happen without the mother's knowledge very early in the pregnancy). Knowing that we still chose this option.
Now knowing that we have an even greater risk of miscarriage is difficult to process. BUT, we believe God brought us to this point and will carry us through. I could live this next part of my life in fear of what will happen with worry and anxious feelings, but I'm choosing to leave this up to God. God's word talks about fear so much. And what He's always reminding us is to TRUST Him. Do not live in fear. He is always with us and will never forsake us. Does that mean I won't have a miscarriage or that our first transfer will even result in a pregnancy. No, not necessarily. Obviously, we are aware of the realities of our own free will in choosing this path. And the realities of a fallen world that includes sickness and death. However, we also know our God is greater than all of that and He can carry us through this process. These words of Jesus will be what I remind myself of over these next few months:
As for the specifics, we are not doing the July cycle as we previously had hoped. Really, this month is so incredibly busy for us and it was just going to be impossible to get everything done that needs to be done medically, financially and legally (we're doing our transfer in Tulsa and Oklahoma law requires a judge to approve this). So we are moving forward with the August/September cycle. This means I will begin my medications for the cycle next month and if everything progresses as it should, our first frozen embryo transfer will take place in early September. Again, we so desire your prayers over this whole process!
I haven't decided how much more I will post on the blog through this part of the process. I feel the need to keep how things go private through this part, mostly for my own ability to process the emotions and unknowns without the whole world knowing everything. I guess what I'm saying is, please don't be offended, but I may not post about the transfer until it's over and we know whether or not a pregnancy occurred. I will definitely let you know one way or another, but it will just be awhile before I do. I hope you can understand that! I really do appreciate all who have kept up with our adoption and have helped us financially and/or through prayer.
That's all for now, but I'll leave you with a picture of our little walker. She's been making more and more gains in her walking and we are so thankful! Her new record is 46 independent steps. Thank you, Lord!
My last thyroid function tests showed that my thyroid hormone levels are back within the normal range thanks to the medication I've been taking. Praise God for that. Unfortunately, my TPO antibodies (for those who don't know, these are a part of Hashimoto's and are a part of what has been hurting my thyroid) are still in the abnormal range. The antibodies are lower than ever before (down to a 168 for those who want to know) which is good, but a normal level is below 38.
After talking with my doctor she said I am medically ready to move forward with our first cycle. However, I was also informed that because of my diagnosis, I will always have elevated TPO antibody levels for the rest of my life (this was not something we understood before). She said I would not ever get below 38. This means that I will always have an increased risk of miscarriage, but she also said if it was her, she would go forward with the cycle.
The increased risk of miscarriage is a very scary truth for me. Some of you know, but many don't, that I experienced a miscarriage before we had Kinsley. It was the hardest experience I'd been through up to that point in my life and (of course) not something I ever want to experience again. That being said, we've always known of the risk of miscarriage in expanding our family through embryo adoption. Statistics say that half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (many happen without the mother's knowledge very early in the pregnancy). Knowing that we still chose this option.
Now knowing that we have an even greater risk of miscarriage is difficult to process. BUT, we believe God brought us to this point and will carry us through. I could live this next part of my life in fear of what will happen with worry and anxious feelings, but I'm choosing to leave this up to God. God's word talks about fear so much. And what He's always reminding us is to TRUST Him. Do not live in fear. He is always with us and will never forsake us. Does that mean I won't have a miscarriage or that our first transfer will even result in a pregnancy. No, not necessarily. Obviously, we are aware of the realities of our own free will in choosing this path. And the realities of a fallen world that includes sickness and death. However, we also know our God is greater than all of that and He can carry us through this process. These words of Jesus will be what I remind myself of over these next few months:
So, we will not live in fear. Instead, when fear creeps in, we will go to Him in prayer asking for peace, and His will to be done. Will, you please join us in praying for this process? We know that the fervent prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective. So, we desire all of your prayers for this first transfer to be successful and result in a strong, healthy pregnancy and baby. Thank you so much!"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27
As for the specifics, we are not doing the July cycle as we previously had hoped. Really, this month is so incredibly busy for us and it was just going to be impossible to get everything done that needs to be done medically, financially and legally (we're doing our transfer in Tulsa and Oklahoma law requires a judge to approve this). So we are moving forward with the August/September cycle. This means I will begin my medications for the cycle next month and if everything progresses as it should, our first frozen embryo transfer will take place in early September. Again, we so desire your prayers over this whole process!
I haven't decided how much more I will post on the blog through this part of the process. I feel the need to keep how things go private through this part, mostly for my own ability to process the emotions and unknowns without the whole world knowing everything. I guess what I'm saying is, please don't be offended, but I may not post about the transfer until it's over and we know whether or not a pregnancy occurred. I will definitely let you know one way or another, but it will just be awhile before I do. I hope you can understand that! I really do appreciate all who have kept up with our adoption and have helped us financially and/or through prayer.
That's all for now, but I'll leave you with a picture of our little walker. She's been making more and more gains in her walking and we are so thankful! Her new record is 46 independent steps. Thank you, Lord!
Thursday, June 18, 2015
SHE'S WALKING!!!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
I can't even describe the elation I am feeling right now. I'm somewhat shocked too. I knew this day was coming, but I just never knew when it would be.
This past week or two Kinsley's walking while holding one hand has become so stable. She's been moving with very few balance checks and then yesterday during physical therapy she walked independently for 14 steps. That was a new record for her. I should have realized it was tidings of good things to come.
Then, tonight, I watched her walk from our love seat to the couch with no problems. Then she started walking to the kitchen - further than she's gone. So I decided to get out my camera and get it on film!
So, some notes about the videos:
1) Recently we got a helmet for Kinsley to wear around the house so she can move around independently without someone right next to her 24/7. She's wearing it in the video and her hair is a wreck. Please excuse that!
2) There is a better video of her walking, but it was too large a file size and blogger wouldn't let me upload it. I will post that one on Facebook. Please watch that one (and forgive the crazy camera work as we were home alone and I had to video while following her around). If you don't have Facebook, I'm very sorry!
3) These are the best videos I have ever seen in my life! I am so proud of this little girl.
Thank you so much for all that have prayed for this for so long and especially for the prayers for greater balance that I asked for in the last post. You guys are so helpful and God is so gracious and amazing to bless us in this way. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I can't even describe the elation I am feeling right now. I'm somewhat shocked too. I knew this day was coming, but I just never knew when it would be.
This past week or two Kinsley's walking while holding one hand has become so stable. She's been moving with very few balance checks and then yesterday during physical therapy she walked independently for 14 steps. That was a new record for her. I should have realized it was tidings of good things to come.
Then, tonight, I watched her walk from our love seat to the couch with no problems. Then she started walking to the kitchen - further than she's gone. So I decided to get out my camera and get it on film!
So, some notes about the videos:
1) Recently we got a helmet for Kinsley to wear around the house so she can move around independently without someone right next to her 24/7. She's wearing it in the video and her hair is a wreck. Please excuse that!
2) There is a better video of her walking, but it was too large a file size and blogger wouldn't let me upload it. I will post that one on Facebook. Please watch that one (and forgive the crazy camera work as we were home alone and I had to video while following her around). If you don't have Facebook, I'm very sorry!
3) These are the best videos I have ever seen in my life! I am so proud of this little girl.
Thank you so much for all that have prayed for this for so long and especially for the prayers for greater balance that I asked for in the last post. You guys are so helpful and God is so gracious and amazing to bless us in this way. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Sweet Summertime with Sweet Kinsley
As promised, it's time for a post about our sweet Kinsley girl. Kinsley has one week left of preschool and then it's time for summer! Yay! I'll admit, I've come to enjoy having the hours in the afternoon to work on chores, run errands, blog, work on adoption stuff, watch a little Netflix and enjoy the occasional day date with Luke. It helps that I know she's having fun at school with teachers and students who've come to love her. My initial reaction to thinking about having her home those hours again was, um, what are we going to do during that time? But, I've been happily planning some summer activities which I'm eager to try out with our precious girl.
You see, it can be difficult with Kinsley to find things to do. She has a limited number of activities that she enjoys and her attention span is not long and if I let myself, I start to feel sorry about all the things we can't enjoy together - movie dates, dress-up time, baking cookies together, craft projects, singing together, playing games, etc. These are the sorts of things I imagined I would enjoy with my child before we knew about her diagnosis. And unfortunately, those are just not things Kinsley can do or wants to do.
However, when I feel down, it helps to make a list of the things she CAN do and enjoys doing and make sure we spend time doing some of them each day. Every smile or laugh that comes from her over these activities makes all the sadness disappear and my every second with her so worth it. So here are some things we plan to do every day this summer (and of course we already do these now, but we can do them MORE this summer.):
Kinsley will also be doing a summer program through her preschool for five weeks, three hours each week. It'll be in her same classroom and she will work to maintain her level of comfort, language skills and adaptation to school that she's gained this past few months. This is to avoid losing anything over the summer and avoid a rough transition back into school come August.
As for prayer requests in regards to Kinsley, I have some specific ones. First, please continue to pray for her to gain more balance. She's still not walking independently more than five or six steps consistently because her balance is so poor. She has the strength and desire to walk, she just has very little balance and control. So, please pray for that! She's become very good with her walker and is also constantly improving at walking with one hand held. I can take her into church, therapy or a store holding one hand with only a few balance checks and rarely a fall. I know that doesn't sound amazing, but a few months ago we could only walk a couple of feet that way. Now she can go hundreds.
Secondly, pray for her language development. She still only uses three signs and babbles, but without any words for meaning. I'm ok with whatever she is able to develop, but I know God is all powerful and can help her to gain more than we imagine. So please pray about this for us. She is currently working on using PECS (Picture Exchange Card System) during speech therapy and she's become quite good at it. It took awhile to get there, but she now can differentiate between two pictures and choose which item she wants and hand the card over to her therapist or me to receive the item. It's very exciting to watch because it shows us the understanding she has and we're very thankful for it. Currently she only uses it during therapy, when I do "home therapy" with her and at school, especially during snack time where she uses the cards to request food and drink. My hope and plan for the summer is to begin to adapt our home and environment where the PECS can be used more functionally throughout the day in order to encourage more language development from Kinsley. This is a big endevour though and I'm a bit overwhelmed by what all needs to be done (items she likes need to be re-organized, picture cards laminated with velcro will need to be placed at her level throughout the house, etc.) and I'm nervous that she's going to hate it (since it means her toys will only be available when she requests them now instead of just out where she can get to them like they have been.) But I will be good for her and hopefully all of this is leading us towards an adaptive device for her to communicate with eventually. Anyway, many prayers are needed!
My last prayer request is related to the gene therapies that some day may be available to help treat CMD. CureCMD, a research organization who are working on a cure for MEB and related diseases some day, recently announced a research grant that has been funded to them and they will be working on developing a gene therapy in mice with the affected FKRP gene. This is not the gene the Kinsley has affected (hers is POMGNT1), but it is a gene that causes a dystroglycanopathy (what hers causes too) and is very closely related. This is not a clinical trial or anything, but it's a great step towards that and what we've been praying for. Honestly, all the gene stuff and research about gene therapy can be somewhat confusing, but the big thing is they've started researching gene therapy in dystroglycanopathies. That's huge for Kinsley and kids like her. It may not mean anything would be available in her lifetime, but it COULD. So, keep those researchers in your prayers, please!
Thank you so much for loving our sweet girl and caring enough to keep updated on her and most especially, thank you so much to all those who are praying for her. On a regular basis I have people (all different people) tell me they are praying for her and our family. This is huge for her and for us. We so appreciate the support and love, but most importantly know that God is in control and it's through his blessing and help that our sweet girl has come as far as she has. All praise goes to Him!
You see, it can be difficult with Kinsley to find things to do. She has a limited number of activities that she enjoys and her attention span is not long and if I let myself, I start to feel sorry about all the things we can't enjoy together - movie dates, dress-up time, baking cookies together, craft projects, singing together, playing games, etc. These are the sorts of things I imagined I would enjoy with my child before we knew about her diagnosis. And unfortunately, those are just not things Kinsley can do or wants to do.
However, when I feel down, it helps to make a list of the things she CAN do and enjoys doing and make sure we spend time doing some of them each day. Every smile or laugh that comes from her over these activities makes all the sadness disappear and my every second with her so worth it. So here are some things we plan to do every day this summer (and of course we already do these now, but we can do them MORE this summer.):
- Swinging - we have a toddler swing hanging out back and I think this is Kinsley's favorite place in the world. The second she sits down in that swing her smile appears and the first push always comes with a squeal of delight. I seriously think she could swing for hours and enjoy every second of it. It's the best thing ever. She loves it. And I love how much she loves it.
- Singing - I mentioned this above and while we can't sing together, I can still sing to her, which she loves. When I sit her in my lap and start into her favorite songs, she just smiles and makes her happy sounds until each song is finished. If clapping is involved, she claps along too. This too she could enjoy forever. It only ends because my repertoire of songs runs out. (If you're wondering she enjoys songs like, "If You're Happy and You Know It", "The Wheels on the Bus", "Roley Poley Roley", "Where is Thumbkin?" "Our God is So Big", etc., etc. etc.)
- Bouncing on her trampoline - she received a mini-trampoline as a birthday gift and the girl loves it. If I help her bounce her body, she'll smile and ask for more until I run out of strength to continue.
- Dancing - I hold her in a dancing position and spin us around singing "Dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing," and she always wants more. Unfortunately for her I get motion sickness way to easily (yes, just spinning in a circle makes me sick) and this can only last a few rounds. But each happy smile is worth it.
- Blast Offs - This is more of a daddy game because he's much stronger than me. I can only do it with her in a pool. But this girl is an adrenaline junky and loves to be thrown in the air.
- Play ball - While Kinsley's ball skills are mostly poor, she does understand and is able to push a ball back and forth. She loves the cheers she gets with each pass and claps and smiles the whole time. It's much fun!
- Read together - Kinsley's favorite books right now are the ones with the sound buttons. Each time she pushes one of the buttons and hears the sounds, a smile crosses her face or her happy hum comes out. Needless to say, we have many of these books and we read them each day. But also, she's recently begun enjoying hear us read Cat the Cat books by Mo Willems (isn't he the best, btw?!). They are repetitive books for toddlers and she finds them so funny! It's so fun to watch her face as she listens. We only have two Cat the Cat books right now, but more will be purchased!
Kinsley will also be doing a summer program through her preschool for five weeks, three hours each week. It'll be in her same classroom and she will work to maintain her level of comfort, language skills and adaptation to school that she's gained this past few months. This is to avoid losing anything over the summer and avoid a rough transition back into school come August.
As for prayer requests in regards to Kinsley, I have some specific ones. First, please continue to pray for her to gain more balance. She's still not walking independently more than five or six steps consistently because her balance is so poor. She has the strength and desire to walk, she just has very little balance and control. So, please pray for that! She's become very good with her walker and is also constantly improving at walking with one hand held. I can take her into church, therapy or a store holding one hand with only a few balance checks and rarely a fall. I know that doesn't sound amazing, but a few months ago we could only walk a couple of feet that way. Now she can go hundreds.
Secondly, pray for her language development. She still only uses three signs and babbles, but without any words for meaning. I'm ok with whatever she is able to develop, but I know God is all powerful and can help her to gain more than we imagine. So please pray about this for us. She is currently working on using PECS (Picture Exchange Card System) during speech therapy and she's become quite good at it. It took awhile to get there, but she now can differentiate between two pictures and choose which item she wants and hand the card over to her therapist or me to receive the item. It's very exciting to watch because it shows us the understanding she has and we're very thankful for it. Currently she only uses it during therapy, when I do "home therapy" with her and at school, especially during snack time where she uses the cards to request food and drink. My hope and plan for the summer is to begin to adapt our home and environment where the PECS can be used more functionally throughout the day in order to encourage more language development from Kinsley. This is a big endevour though and I'm a bit overwhelmed by what all needs to be done (items she likes need to be re-organized, picture cards laminated with velcro will need to be placed at her level throughout the house, etc.) and I'm nervous that she's going to hate it (since it means her toys will only be available when she requests them now instead of just out where she can get to them like they have been.) But I will be good for her and hopefully all of this is leading us towards an adaptive device for her to communicate with eventually. Anyway, many prayers are needed!
My last prayer request is related to the gene therapies that some day may be available to help treat CMD. CureCMD, a research organization who are working on a cure for MEB and related diseases some day, recently announced a research grant that has been funded to them and they will be working on developing a gene therapy in mice with the affected FKRP gene. This is not the gene the Kinsley has affected (hers is POMGNT1), but it is a gene that causes a dystroglycanopathy (what hers causes too) and is very closely related. This is not a clinical trial or anything, but it's a great step towards that and what we've been praying for. Honestly, all the gene stuff and research about gene therapy can be somewhat confusing, but the big thing is they've started researching gene therapy in dystroglycanopathies. That's huge for Kinsley and kids like her. It may not mean anything would be available in her lifetime, but it COULD. So, keep those researchers in your prayers, please!
Thank you so much for loving our sweet girl and caring enough to keep updated on her and most especially, thank you so much to all those who are praying for her. On a regular basis I have people (all different people) tell me they are praying for her and our family. This is huge for her and for us. We so appreciate the support and love, but most importantly know that God is in control and it's through his blessing and help that our sweet girl has come as far as she has. All praise goes to Him!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
A Short Update...
Some people have been asking me how things are going thyroid-wise and moving forward with our embryo adoption, so I thought I'd give everyone a quick update.
Up until yesterday, we've just been waiting. I started taking thyroid replacement meds about five and half weeks ago now. (For those who missed the last post and are confused, click here to find out about my Hashimoto's Disease diagnosis.) Like I said before, we were told it would take weeks to months to really take effect and help get my hormone levels back within normal range.
I went ahead and got a blood test done exactly four weeks after starting the meds since I've been anxious to hear how the meds were helping. I should have had the results back within a day or two, but just like everything we've done so far, more waiting than planned was involved (God really is teaching me some patience these days!) My doctor was out of town for the week, so I was not able to receive the results until she was in the clinic and had read them. So ten days after the blood test, I finally heard back.
My levels are still not within normal range, which is disappointing, but they are progressing towards the correct ranges. So, basically, I'm getting better, but I'm not there yet. The doctor decided to increase my dosage three days a week and she thinks this will get me on track and within normal ranges by July. July is important because that is when the next FET cycle is offered by our clinic. They only do eight cycles a year and they don't do any in June. So we already knew, even if my levels were back to normal by now, we still would have to wait until July for our first cycle anyway.
So, at this point we are waiting. Again. Still. Waiting isn't fun, but you know, seriously, with all the waiting we've been doing, I really have learned to deal with it. I truly am feeling ok with things right now. I want God's timing to be what leads us through this process, not my blundering human rushing around, so I'm thankful He's in control and helping us down this path. (Now check with me next month after I check my levels again and make sure I'm still feeling this way. Give me a good reminder if I'm not! Gotta keep me accountable, people.)
Please pray for us through it all and specifically that my medication is doing what it's supposed to. Thank you!
P.S. I realize this blog is called Sweet Kinsley Girl and it's supposed to be about her. I apologize that it's morphed into more than that. I promise my next post will be very soon and it will be all about her. :)
Up until yesterday, we've just been waiting. I started taking thyroid replacement meds about five and half weeks ago now. (For those who missed the last post and are confused, click here to find out about my Hashimoto's Disease diagnosis.) Like I said before, we were told it would take weeks to months to really take effect and help get my hormone levels back within normal range.
I went ahead and got a blood test done exactly four weeks after starting the meds since I've been anxious to hear how the meds were helping. I should have had the results back within a day or two, but just like everything we've done so far, more waiting than planned was involved (God really is teaching me some patience these days!) My doctor was out of town for the week, so I was not able to receive the results until she was in the clinic and had read them. So ten days after the blood test, I finally heard back.
My levels are still not within normal range, which is disappointing, but they are progressing towards the correct ranges. So, basically, I'm getting better, but I'm not there yet. The doctor decided to increase my dosage three days a week and she thinks this will get me on track and within normal ranges by July. July is important because that is when the next FET cycle is offered by our clinic. They only do eight cycles a year and they don't do any in June. So we already knew, even if my levels were back to normal by now, we still would have to wait until July for our first cycle anyway.
So, at this point we are waiting. Again. Still. Waiting isn't fun, but you know, seriously, with all the waiting we've been doing, I really have learned to deal with it. I truly am feeling ok with things right now. I want God's timing to be what leads us through this process, not my blundering human rushing around, so I'm thankful He's in control and helping us down this path. (Now check with me next month after I check my levels again and make sure I'm still feeling this way. Give me a good reminder if I'm not! Gotta keep me accountable, people.)
Please pray for us through it all and specifically that my medication is doing what it's supposed to. Thank you!
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
The Best Laid Plans
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. -Proverbs 16:19We humans plan and plan, but God will continually step and in and remind us that he's in charge. Which is good. His plans are the plans I actually do want to follow, it's just that sometimes I forget that and I make my own plans. That's when things get messed up.
You're probably wondering what I'm talking about right now. Let me explain.
Our embryos arrived at our clinic today safe and sound!!! Praise the Lord! We've been waiting for this day for so long and I'm so excited that it is finally here!
So what's the problem? See, I had set things up so that when our embryos arrived we'd be ready to move right into our first Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) cycle and in fact had already begun the checklist of things to do during a cycle. I already started taking some of the medication (at this point just a normal birth control pill to add needed hormones to my body), we met with our doctor, Luke and I each had to take antibiotics to be sure certain diseases were not present in our bodies (an annoying FDA regulation) and we each had to have blood draws to check for certain things including, for me, my thyroid hormone levels. This is a common test done when pregnancies are being planned.
This is where the problem comes in. It turns out I have what's known as Hashimoto's thyroiditis which is the most common form of hypothyroidism. Basically, my doctor explained it by saying I contracted a virus which to my body looked a lot like the hormone my thyroid produces and in the process of attacking the virus it also is attacking my thyroid. My thyroid, therefore, is not able to produce enough of the hormone it is supposed to produce. If you want a better description, click here.
The good news is it is very treatable and I will begin taking medication for it tomorrow. The down side is we have to put off doing our first embryo transfer. If we tried to transfer the baby now, I would be at an increased risk of miscarrying, which of course we do not want at all. The doctor said it often takes a few weeks to a few months to get the thyroid healed and back to proper working order, so we're kind of at a wait and see point for when we can try another cycle. In four weeks I will be tested again to see how my levels are looking, if they are improving we'll be able to move forward then. If not, then I'll continue the medication, wait another four weeks and see how things look.
This is what I mean about humans and making plans. See, I'd built it all up in my mind already, imagining our first transfer taking place in early May, praying and believing the embryo would implant and we'd be having our next child by early 2016. But, like I said, God knows what's best. I just have to stop being all human and making my own plans and expectations.
If y'all would, please pray for this to pass soon, but also thank the Lord for helping us to find out this important information. It would have been horrible to not know, move forward and put our baby at risk. In the meantime, we'll keep having fun with our sweet Kinsley girl and waiting for God's timing to have our family grow.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
The Waiting Game and A Fundraising Update
Well, I'm sure some of you may be wondering what's been happening with our embryos. Unfortunately, I don't have much to report. We're still waiting for them. I'll save you from a long story by just telling you that the paperwork which would have released the embryos last month was lost. We don't know who lost it, either the postal service or the embryo storage facility. Therefore the paperwork has to
be redone and we are waiting for that to happen so we can have our embryos here by
the end of this month.
Sadness, frustration and impatience. Those are all of my initial reactions to this circumstance.
I have never been a very patient person. I do not like traveling to places (I enjoy when we arrive, but not the travel time). I want to arrive places quickly. I find myself impatient with other drivers who do not seem to care as much as I do about arriving quickly. At the grocery store, I always try to find the shortest line to checkout in to avoid waiting, even going so far as to change lines if it seems quicker (and then feeling incredibly frustrated as that inevitably turns out to be a bad move). It always feels like waiting is a waste of my time.
However, I've learned over time (or I should say I'm still learning) that patience is not really about not minding a slow pace, but rather it's more of a help for us to lean on God when we have no control over a situation. I can't force people to drive the speed limit or in the slow lane, nor can I force the paperwork for our adoption to finally go through. I have done everything I can to make this process happen, the rest is up to other human beings. Those humans don't have as much invested in this as I do, nor are they perfect. Mistakes happen.
I found the perfect quote to help me through this situation:
Instead of yelling in frustration, getting angry or crying, I'm learning to go to my Lord in prayer. And not to pray that He'll make that guy drive faster or to magically have our embryos here now, but rather pray that I will be patient and wait for His timing. I really have zero control over this situation, but I do have control over my emotions. When I pray over the situation and release the impatience to Him, I really do have a sense of calm and patience. I feel thankful that I don't have to be the one dealing with the impatience anymore. God takes the worry and puts His hand over the situation (Read Phil. 4:6-7). It's so much easier on me that way and I'm so thankful He gives us this avenue of prayer to give our worries and frustrations up to Him.
The embryos will arrive when they arrive and it will be in God's timing. We'll have this baby(ies) when the time is right. And that's ok. I can wait.
I do need to report on our fundraising efforts as well. We've raised so much money towards our probable $10,000-$15,000 adoption costs. So far, with our fundraisers and kind donations by so many friends and family, we have raised $5,788.39 towards our total cost! That is possibly more than half the amount we will spend. We are VERY blessed to have raised so much and we thank each of you that has contributed!
And we're not done yet. I had a very sweet friend offer to host another Thirty-One party which has now closed, but we're still waiting to hear the total amount from that party, so more will come in there.
Additionally, we have set up a website through Prue Charity where tax deductible donations can be made. It will only be open for a few days. If you have not contributed, but would like to, you can go to this link and make a tax deductible donation towards our adoption. We have a goal of $5,000 shown on the website, but over half of that has already been met with a portion of the money we've raised that I mentioned above. Prue Charity also offers a sweet deal to individuals who like to shop online, but also want to help people raise fund towards their causes. If you like to shop online at places like Walmart, Target, Gap, and so many more, check out this link to learn how you can shop and help us out at the same time! However, our fundraiser will only be open through March 31. I'm going to push it on Facebook over the weekend in a last ditch effort to raise more funds. Please pray for us to raise as much as we can. Thank you so much!
And, lastly, here are some Easter pictures of our sweet Kinsley girl to give you a smile!
Sadness, frustration and impatience. Those are all of my initial reactions to this circumstance.
I have never been a very patient person. I do not like traveling to places (I enjoy when we arrive, but not the travel time). I want to arrive places quickly. I find myself impatient with other drivers who do not seem to care as much as I do about arriving quickly. At the grocery store, I always try to find the shortest line to checkout in to avoid waiting, even going so far as to change lines if it seems quicker (and then feeling incredibly frustrated as that inevitably turns out to be a bad move). It always feels like waiting is a waste of my time.
However, I've learned over time (or I should say I'm still learning) that patience is not really about not minding a slow pace, but rather it's more of a help for us to lean on God when we have no control over a situation. I can't force people to drive the speed limit or in the slow lane, nor can I force the paperwork for our adoption to finally go through. I have done everything I can to make this process happen, the rest is up to other human beings. Those humans don't have as much invested in this as I do, nor are they perfect. Mistakes happen.
I found the perfect quote to help me through this situation:
“The times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train ourselves to wait on the Lord.” ~ Joni Eareckson Tada
Instead of yelling in frustration, getting angry or crying, I'm learning to go to my Lord in prayer. And not to pray that He'll make that guy drive faster or to magically have our embryos here now, but rather pray that I will be patient and wait for His timing. I really have zero control over this situation, but I do have control over my emotions. When I pray over the situation and release the impatience to Him, I really do have a sense of calm and patience. I feel thankful that I don't have to be the one dealing with the impatience anymore. God takes the worry and puts His hand over the situation (Read Phil. 4:6-7). It's so much easier on me that way and I'm so thankful He gives us this avenue of prayer to give our worries and frustrations up to Him.
The embryos will arrive when they arrive and it will be in God's timing. We'll have this baby(ies) when the time is right. And that's ok. I can wait.
I do need to report on our fundraising efforts as well. We've raised so much money towards our probable $10,000-$15,000 adoption costs. So far, with our fundraisers and kind donations by so many friends and family, we have raised $5,788.39 towards our total cost! That is possibly more than half the amount we will spend. We are VERY blessed to have raised so much and we thank each of you that has contributed!
And we're not done yet. I had a very sweet friend offer to host another Thirty-One party which has now closed, but we're still waiting to hear the total amount from that party, so more will come in there.
Additionally, we have set up a website through Prue Charity where tax deductible donations can be made. It will only be open for a few days. If you have not contributed, but would like to, you can go to this link and make a tax deductible donation towards our adoption. We have a goal of $5,000 shown on the website, but over half of that has already been met with a portion of the money we've raised that I mentioned above. Prue Charity also offers a sweet deal to individuals who like to shop online, but also want to help people raise fund towards their causes. If you like to shop online at places like Walmart, Target, Gap, and so many more, check out this link to learn how you can shop and help us out at the same time! However, our fundraiser will only be open through March 31. I'm going to push it on Facebook over the weekend in a last ditch effort to raise more funds. Please pray for us to raise as much as we can. Thank you so much!
And, lastly, here are some Easter pictures of our sweet Kinsley girl to give you a smile!
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