Snowflakes in Heaven

I don't know any other way to say this, so I'll just say it. We did our first transfer on September 22. We transfered two of our embryo babies. (Yes, I did previously say we were only going to transfer one, but that is a story for another post.) Ten days later I had a blood test done to test for HCG (pregnancy hormone). It was positive, but very low at 24. We knew then it was possible our pregnancy would last, but that it was unlikely to.

Three days later I was tested again and that test showed my HCG level was down to 2 (anything below 5 is considered a negative pregnancy test).

So, I'm no longer pregnant. I'm heartbroken. I don't understand and I never will.

I do know that God is faithful. Even in this. It's hard to see how at this point, but I know it's true.

The song "Blessed Be Your Name" resonated with me in the miscarriage we experienced in early 2011 and it does again with me now. It's an excellent reminder that we praise and glorify our Lord in all things. We can't only love and worship Him when he gives us what we ask for. When things are difficult, He's still there and He still deserves our love. It can be hard for me to remember that in times like this and so I'm thankful for songs like this to help me when I want to forget that.

Please pray for us as we wait for the opportunity to move forward with another transfer and for our broken hearts too.

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Oh, blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord
Blessed be Your name, Lord

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord

Blessed be Your name