My last thyroid function tests showed that my thyroid hormone levels are back within the normal range thanks to the medication I've been taking. Praise God for that. Unfortunately, my TPO antibodies (for those who don't know, these are a part of Hashimoto's and are a part of what has been hurting my thyroid) are still in the abnormal range. The antibodies are lower than ever before (down to a 168 for those who want to know) which is good, but a normal level is below 38.
After talking with my doctor she said I am medically ready to move forward with our first cycle. However, I was also informed that because of my diagnosis, I will always have elevated TPO antibody levels for the rest of my life (this was not something we understood before). She said I would not ever get below 38. This means that I will always have an increased risk of miscarriage, but she also said if it was her, she would go forward with the cycle.
The increased risk of miscarriage is a very scary truth for me. Some of you know, but many don't, that I experienced a miscarriage before we had Kinsley. It was the hardest experience I'd been through up to that point in my life and (of course) not something I ever want to experience again. That being said, we've always known of the risk of miscarriage in expanding our family through embryo adoption. Statistics say that half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (many happen without the mother's knowledge very early in the pregnancy). Knowing that we still chose this option.
Now knowing that we have an even greater risk of miscarriage is difficult to process. BUT, we believe God brought us to this point and will carry us through. I could live this next part of my life in fear of what will happen with worry and anxious feelings, but I'm choosing to leave this up to God. God's word talks about fear so much. And what He's always reminding us is to TRUST Him. Do not live in fear. He is always with us and will never forsake us. Does that mean I won't have a miscarriage or that our first transfer will even result in a pregnancy. No, not necessarily. Obviously, we are aware of the realities of our own free will in choosing this path. And the realities of a fallen world that includes sickness and death. However, we also know our God is greater than all of that and He can carry us through this process. These words of Jesus will be what I remind myself of over these next few months:
So, we will not live in fear. Instead, when fear creeps in, we will go to Him in prayer asking for peace, and His will to be done. Will, you please join us in praying for this process? We know that the fervent prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective. So, we desire all of your prayers for this first transfer to be successful and result in a strong, healthy pregnancy and baby. Thank you so much!"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27
As for the specifics, we are not doing the July cycle as we previously had hoped. Really, this month is so incredibly busy for us and it was just going to be impossible to get everything done that needs to be done medically, financially and legally (we're doing our transfer in Tulsa and Oklahoma law requires a judge to approve this). So we are moving forward with the August/September cycle. This means I will begin my medications for the cycle next month and if everything progresses as it should, our first frozen embryo transfer will take place in early September. Again, we so desire your prayers over this whole process!
I haven't decided how much more I will post on the blog through this part of the process. I feel the need to keep how things go private through this part, mostly for my own ability to process the emotions and unknowns without the whole world knowing everything. I guess what I'm saying is, please don't be offended, but I may not post about the transfer until it's over and we know whether or not a pregnancy occurred. I will definitely let you know one way or another, but it will just be awhile before I do. I hope you can understand that! I really do appreciate all who have kept up with our adoption and have helped us financially and/or through prayer.
That's all for now, but I'll leave you with a picture of our little walker. She's been making more and more gains in her walking and we are so thankful! Her new record is 46 independent steps. Thank you, Lord!